Midnight Pages 06.22.11

It’s been a long while since I’ve committed thoughts to form and “paper.”

And man, haven’t things changed? I’m a father. H-o-l-y- s-h-i-t. I mean, really. Every other post before this is dipped in inexperience compared to what’s happened in the past year. God, there is so much I want to get off my chest that I can’t even begin to express. Some time has passed, for sure. It used to be very easy to put my thoughts on paper. Then again, there was a time when it was so hard.

Ok, skip the self-indulgent self-reflection and get to it.

So yeah, I’m a dad. Best thing to happen to me in the past 2 years. My son, Connor, is the light of my life. No matter how much crap in this world that hits me, I can come home at the end of the day to this bright, shining face and just be. I’ve never felt so connected to anyone else in this world. He is the light at the end of the tunnel for me, and I know I am a reason for his smile. 

The whole father thing is not without its price, though. Productivity is at an all-time low. Which I should have expected, at least in the first year. There was no way I’d still be able to create at the pace I could before marriage and kid. Family demands, and boy, it is demanding.

But there is a point where I’m going to have to get back to basics. I have songs needing to be finished, sung, recorded and put in the can. It’s the only way I can move on creatively, and now i feel like it’s farther than it’s ever been.

What I need is discipline. What I need is routine and pattern. To get back to a place where I can, especially, get my fingers dancing on a keyboard (typewriter or otherwise) and be able to express what’s in my head. I can feel my fingers slipping. The connection from the head to the fingers is getting dull. I’m making more mistakes. Needing to hit the backspace key more often than I used to. Is this early onset Alzhieimers? I shudder to think. The gist of it is I’m not as sharp or quick as I used to be. It takes more effort to record things; songs, lyrics, blog posts, journal entries. 

I need to get back to a routine that allows me to stream my thoughts consciously.

But now, I need to feed my kid.

More later.

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June 2011
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